Jennifer Alice's Wonderland

Week 14: Go Out and Do

One thing I’ve noticed since we waved good-bye to Scroll 2 is that I’m not saying “I greet this day with love in my heart” as often anymore. This repetition game is the real deal. Life is constantly unfolding in front of us. If we don’t choose to fill it with PMA and a real game plan, we start to lose the battle. 

Just before my grandmother passed away last year, I sat with her in her room. When it was time for me to go, I felt bad leaving her. She could tell and she gave me a little pep talk. She told me this is my time to have my life and I have things to get done so I should “go out and DO!” Of course I cried. And stayed much longer. But I’ll always remember her choice of words. When I watched Door to Door, I was deeply moved by the mother-son bond and how much passion, and responsibility the Porters were able to instill in their physically challenged son to get out there and do! 

People these days are constantly enticed into entertainment, lured into laziness, driven to drink! As Haanel suggests, these are vices and distractions that are all too easy to comply with. Some part of our cellular make-up actually comprises this negative space. Which puts the power of filling that space with positive, empowering data completely in our own hands. 

When people and families like the Porters have the discipline and fortitude to stick to their principles, they create legendary results. The same system is at work for all of us. But somehow these extreme examples really hit us the hardest. They elucidate the point so vividly. Leaving me with that nagging feeling of inadequacy for having accomplished far less than someone with far more challenges than I have been asked to bear. 

I even wanted to sell by the end of that movie! In network marketing you always hear how we are “not a sales business” which of course is only a partially true statement. One of those comments that appeals to the negative space within us. How about embracing the sales aspect? How about infusing the sales aspect with positivity and perhaps even some joy! Bill Porter obviously enjoyed selling. He found a ride he liked, and he never stopped trying until he had achieved his DMP. I’m amazed by this human. He surely didn’t enjoy it because people were so kind to him. He didn’t enjoy it because everybody said yes! He endured what many would call abuse and he simply moved on. Perhaps he just rather enjoyed succeeding. 

Certainly he had years of upbringing that taught him Patience & Persistence! He rocked the formula. He put the reptition game to work for himself! And he prospered, with great patience, through the Law of Compensation. If I must be enticed into entertainment, I love it when it is moving and inspiring! That feeling that the time I invested actually helped me understand myself better is a whole different ballgame than your average entertainment. Now enough of this typing about progress, time for some serious “Go out and DO!” 


Week 13: New Effects Please! 

This whole Cause & Effect thing has me. I’m in. To be focused on causing while enduring unwanted effects is a step in a way forward direction. The trippy thing about Now being the only time we have is the fact that it keeps moving into ever more recent Now’s. Hmm. And the thing about effects is that even while you are experiencing them, you are simultaneously causing future effects. So there’s no time for all this huffy puffy beef stroganoff! Now is moving right along and unless we want more of this effect we need to change the equation. Create a new formula. Develop a better recipe. Offer a new cause. 
This revelation is helping a lot but WOW it must be awkward to watch me incorporate it! I’ve had a few shining moments lately. While feeling trapped in a reaction, a wiff of the meditation goes wafting by and I remember the words and sense the feelings. There’s no need to dive into the negative and hurl it at someone else disguised as a polite statement. In fact, what exactly am I causing by behaving this way? At first I think I’m entitled to my reactions so I fight the urge to rise above. I tell myself that I can get back to all that positivity and empowerment just as soon as I’m done reducing myself and others. Say what? Ok fine, it might be a better idea to get with the program, be a solid citizen, somehow fathom that this “effect” excuse that I’m clinging to is really a mute point because this now is almost over and then I’ll be awaiting the awesome effect of whatever I choose to do with myself in this particular moment. Whoa! I think I choose a loving response full of patient acceptance and awareness. 

It’s like searching for the words of a foreign language while the person I’m interacting with witnesses this bizarre morphing character. No I’m not auditioning for a Will Ferrell movie and you’re not being punk’d. These are the throes of a dying ego. This is what it looks like when someone gives up her habit of protecting her inner child. This is what it looks like when I trust you and don’t act attached to your feelings. This is the look of a woman choosing to grow up and face the music.

Some of these moments have been so profound and deeply gratifying.

During times when I’m ready to get a good wallow on 💥 BAM 💥 blueprint builder. 

Instead of indulging in some serious behind-the-scenes eye rolling, I can offer to give a smile, a compliment, hope for affluence, kindness or love. 
Sitting around idly wondering where life is headed 💥 DMP. I already know. And it just starts running through my mind. 

I’m successfully brainwashing myself with the BEST soap money can buy. It’s organic, feels sustainable, local, artisan dream creation. Feeling so grateful to wind down 2016 this way. Cheers to a New Year that I honestly know is filled with ever abundant Now’s. 

Week 12: This Persistent Cruise

I seriously don’t know how people can work 40 hour weeks. It leaves you a few hours a day when you actually own your life. And that’s only if you happen to be single. Let’s just say I can’t even relate to someone juggling children and a full-time job. Life is meant to be lived. There’s just got to be a better way. 

I’m not saying self-employment is the easiest path. In a lot of ways you can never exit the workplace. And you can feel like you have lots of bosses. But then you realize you’re the woman, you call the shots, and you really like long hot showers after early morning yoga practice and a nutritious breakfast. This feels like the healthiest version of you. The version with the strength, joy, and balance necessary to be an effective entrepreneur. So then it’s decided, the work day starts at 11am. Not so sharp. 

I get so happy when I read my DMP, which I renamed my DefMP to distinguish it from all of its previous incarnations. Now that I finally finalized it. Yes, it took me 3 months to comb it over, wiggle out the kinks, and love it. Evidently I have a persistent case of taking my sweet ass time.

So perhaps I find myself at odds with my future self. She wakes up fresh, filled with lightness and vitality and proceeds to live days filled with productive service. I love her. She sounds satisfied, confident and fun. And every day I feel a little more like that. And it’s the coolest thing.

I’m on the lookout for the traps I’m sure are all around me. Especially when Mark refers to indecision as a form of control. Wow that’s like nails down a chalkboard to me. I wish there was some way I could make that statement just stop and go away forever. I’m working with it. It’s like that torture you love when you first try to get used to eating olives or liking wine. It feels unnatural and yet you know you’re going down this road because the people enjoying it make you feel like you’re missing something. Then there’s caviar. That’s a trap. That’s just a test to see how gross you’re willing to get to prove a point.

I’m on the lookout for indulgence traps. Addiction traps. The trap of underestimating myself. The familiar codependence trap, and the dreaded taking myself to seriously on my blog trap. Yikes! 

Signing off for now.

If you got this far, you’re a true hero to me.Mahalo 🙋🏻

Week 11: I am a Lioness 

Sometimes I’m reminded of the part of The Matrix where Morpheus explains to Neo that usually they don’t “free a mind” after a certain age. Because it’s just too set in its ways, happy with its delusions, comforted by the countless other sheep-minds which crowd our realities. I’ve always associated myself with the lion, rather than as one of the sheeple. These last 11 weeks have illuminated where my boundaries have started to blur. 
This part of Scroll 3 where we must declare our strength and authority again feels goooood to me. The lioness is a vibrant, aware, calculating provider. She is the queen of the queendom. Luckily I’ll never be expected to hunt down prey or rip apart an attacker. I don’t have the stomach for it. I don’t want to inspire fear, just to embrace the precision, the stealth, and the authority. 

I’ve been able to see in others what wasn’t so clear about myself. The ways that I tune out, I spend time on destructive thoughts rather than turn the channel. The ways that I deny, my ego allows me to prefer my own weaknesses and glorifies them as indulgence, decadence, justifiable criticism. And definitely the ways that I avoid, I seem to have a habit of ignoring the world of now, tossing too many boring tasks at my ever-capable future self. 

I went to the movies this week with a few friends. Two of us were lulled into the dream. Comforted by the relief of not having to be responsible for our own minds for a couple of hours. The other couple left with that sinking feeling of having been robbed of two precious hours they would never get back. Two hours not dedicated to promoting their highest good. 

Evidently I appreciate the role of the sheep at times. Or I’ve grown accustomed to it. A cloak I can wear in order to escape real responsibilities. Is it even possible to cultivate a life that isn’t necessary to escape from time to time? Does the lioness ever wonder such a thing? 

Balance. It must be the way. To warm up to more constructive, wholesome, healthy ways of restoring peace of mind rather than leaning on passive entertainment. But all in all I can honestly say I’ve done a lot of dreaming, unraveling, deprogramming, and spirit questing in my life. Tipping the scales in the direction of some true precision, stealth and authority is a welcome change for me. 

Week 10: Turn the Page 

I had an inkling that Scroll 3 would rock my boat a bit. I’m a love junkie. Can’t get enough of that stuff! I cherished those final days with my beloved Scroll 2! I belted out those last readings both in silence and under the stars at night 🌠

I must confess that the first reading was bizarre. Lots of resistance, with a dash of disbelief in there too. I didn’t like it. It didn’t like me. It was like putting on “that” sweater your mom got you. You know that thing doesn’t want to be on you. It wants to feel appreciated. You can’t get it off of yourself soon enough. 

The second reading was less yucky of course. Then for the evening reading 😬😳 I thought I was ready to take it down like a champ. We’re talking about 5 pages here. But I struggled with it and honestly I found that I couldn’t even say it out loud. Yikes! But rather than toss it aside I read on in silence. We met in the middle.

By the midday reading of the second day I clearly had to admit to myself that I struggle with consistent persistence. Gosh! Ok if that’s all it is then I’ll just do a little growing, problem solved. Well… work in progress. 

The funny thing is that it’s only the 5th day and I’m in love with Scroll 3! I mean, it isn’t me, it’s not my jam. But it doesn’t have to be. It’s for me to learn from. This is the work! I read some folks also feeling the same way, maybe even a bit more extreme. The Mastermind effect paid off again! It helps to feel understood. 

The reality is that we all get taunted and beat down by life from time to time. It’s inevitable. And in those moments it can really overwhelm me. This Scroll is planting seeds in my subby. Those seeds are growing roots. I may not need Scroll 3 this week or this month, but one day it will be my turn again, and those roots will be firmly in place. And I’ll be able to get up, and take more, and say more, and maybe sell more, and definitely love more. I will persist in building bridges so that my love may enter others’ souls. I will persist in utilizing my love shield. I shall persist in creating amazing and beautiful habits that nourish my future self. And yes, I will WIN!!!! 

Week 9: Edification Pays Dividends 

To be honest, I haven’t made it through one entire day of the Mental Diet. I’m observing a TON! I notice that some people feel bad about not succeeding at it yet. That surprises me because it’s a MASSIVE undertaking. Putting so much focus on it brings such beautiful rewards I can only imagine what the real deal is going to feel like. Meanwhile…
Thanksgiving. As a vegan. After a major election. Two family events to attend. This is Mental Diet Olympics. There is only one way to tackle this day, full-on strategy, all heart, never let your guard down. Shields up! Here come the spears of anger! Change the subject! There go the arrows of hate. 

My double secret strategy: Positivity Offensive Tackle. Go Long! This one ain’t over any time soon so preserve your energy, stand by with smiles, search the environment for things to compliment, ask questions that require a positive answer. “So what was your favorite part of your trip?” “How do you get so many cute pix of that son of yours?” “What’s your favorite butter alternative?” Just kidding. 

The day was a smashing success! Until it all came splashing down around me. Oh did I say splashing? That must be because I fell in the pool. With all my clothes on. 

Expletives were deployed. You try crash landing in WATER while walking down a dark path in the night thinking you’re headed toward a hot tub with no idea there’s a pool in between. 

Still, I do not despair. It was an absolute success of a day! I just love blasted everyone I could at every possible moment and found there was plenty of receptivity to be found. People are comforted by appreciation. People are thirsting for giggles, brighter sides of life, and coconut nog. I loved my day! The energy continued to build throughout the day. I felt like the belle of the ball and a love linebacker at the same time. 

In network marketing we learn to build our edification muscles. To be authentically edified, even when it is required, never gets old. You feel flattered by the glimpses of truth you hear. Your unique youness doesn’t go unnoticed. When we focus all of our outgoing energy on beautiful, positive, genuine language, we become a magnet for that energy. A love magnet. Yes, this is the path for me. 

Week 8: Rebel Revelry 

I didn’t know I was a rebel junkie. I thought I could stop any time I wanted. But I’m starting to see the rather significant pile of evidence to the contrary. Apparently I have issues with authority. The word itself makes me feel defiant. This explains my serial entrepreneurialism. And it’s devastating for my Mental Diet. 

No matter how I look at it, some serious adulting is called for and since I L❤️VE my future self to the M-A-X it looks like I’m going to have to… gulp… do what I’m told. Allow myself to be guided. Trust, have faith in my teachers, follow directions in a timely manner, and ENJOY IT! 

Im going to use this time to map out some strategy for dealing with the challenging moments in my daily life:

~ When my dog rolls around in chicken poop after I spend an hour washing and drying him I will breathe and be grateful for such a stellar example of unconditional love and utter cuteness. 

~ When my boyfriend says “what” three times in a row because he’s not paying attention to the answer I shall throw my head back and laugh at his silliness. 

~ When I see He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named and hear his voice coming through the television (that I wish wasn’t on) I will remember that all manners of men have qualities to be admired even though they be hidden and I will bite my tongue. I have not time for hate, only time for love. 

~ When the kid at the store packs my groceries without respect to the law of gravity, I will remember that he is a kid, and he works at a store for not a lot of money, and I’ll vow to pay more attention next time instead of being distracted with thoughts of what I’m doing next. 

~ When I hear of acts of violence and ignorance in this precious world that we share,  I will not despair. I will see it as a sign that the blueprint of humanity is challenging itself and is available for reprogramming. Our prayers are the code. 

~ When the water doesn’t get hot fast enough I will surely substitute gratitude for my privileged existence. As basic as it sounds I’m observing some rather bratty internal commentary. 

~ When I feel guilty for not being able to help a friend, I’ll remember to be more gentle with myself. Life is a journey, everyone has a different path to take. 

~ When it comes to family…. I will somehow summon the Gods of Tranquility. Pre-gaming is essential in this category. I love these people, they should be able to see things my way. But alas, they have their own subbies, their own karma, their own journeys. And my loving them even when we disagree is the greatest gift I’ve got. 

Week 7: Better Luck Next Week

Turns out I don’t need to hang out with my family to realize I’m not enlightened. It’s just so amazingly obvious this week.

No negative thoughts. Substitute a better thought and forgive. Focus your mind, aka your genius mechanism, on all good, benevolent, positive things and watch them multiply.

Okey dokey. Will do.

Election week, pssshhh, ppffpfpff, not going to get in my way, I don’t care much about politics. Cut to Wednesday. Is this a joke? Is it remotely possible to complete this Mental Diet when every soul you know and love is melting down, or rubbing salt in wounds, or losing their shit, or being the most smug mofo you ever knew? Maybe with a little practice but suffice it to say, I’m hitting the redo button next week. I’m giving myself time to observe. Take it all in. Feel people’s hurt and anger.

I’m even reading stories of the hate crimes that have broken out all over the country. This is something I never would have done a month ago. I’m sensitive. I don’t wish harm, even emotional harm, on anybody. I can’t watch most movies because vengeance, violence, and codependency run rampant. But sometimes in life you have to turn and face the monsters.

I’m grateful to this class and all the work it entails for keeping my heart in a relatively good place this week. And at the same time I’ve given myself a free pass on several occasions to let loose the peptides of fury and disappointment. My acupuncturist once told me that healthy anger is really powerful. Anger has the ability to move energy fast. That’s one of its brighter sides. Energy pools up in us and feelings stir and sometimes anger is their ride out. It’s unhealthy from a Chinese medicine perspective to let energy pool up or stagnate. Energy in motion is the green light to health. And there’s no cover up for energy in motion. You can’t fake it. You can’t cover it up with love. You have to move it through.

Best personal result of this election by far: a super-strength boost in my enthusiasm about my DMP. I feel extra committed to loving more people, more often. Extra committed to raising the vibes of this culture at large. Renewed vigor that I haven’t felt in a long time. I didn’t realize how much complacency had set in, but it’s a stranger to me now. I’m awake, activated, and taking in the tools I need to see something beautiful transpire! These are exciting times!

Week 6: All You Need is L❤️️VE 

I’m just over here having no opinions about The Scroll Marked II. None whatsoever. I’m just letting the whole thing wash over me like a spiritual bath in a wave tub. 

I could tell you a story about a younger version of myself that somehow knew all of those things intuitively. I’ve always tried to live that way. Until I didn’t. Some years it seems like life gets really thick. And gnarly. And I’ve had some doozies. And they’ve left me with fear in my heart and trauma and discomfort and suspicion. Yuck! 

One day a couple years ago I was walking into the post office and a very old man held the door open for me with a smile and a lovely greeting. I was feeling stressed that day. And like the world owed me something for my troubles. I’m sure I don’t remember what my important dilemmas were that day, I just remember how he made me feel. 

First I felt silly that I had been scowling and taking life so seriously. If this man, who has absolutely seen life at its worst. Been through wars, drafts, heartache, betrayal, death… all the dark forces that none of us can avoid. And yet he still managed to smile, greet a stranger, and change her attitude. And it wasn’t his simple words that moved me. It was the “I love you” in his heart. 

It made me want my former self back. That ability to maintain balance, and not take the mundane matters of the world so seriously. Since then I’ve been asking for something that could help me get back to me. Much as I’ve tried, meditation doesn’t do it 100%. But combined with these readings and the work of uncovering my dharma… I’m really getting it more and more deeply. 

It’s a small thing, but I had a lovely reaction today to something that would normally make me vexed. Instead of furrowing my brow I felt the energy of my forehead expand out. Sorry if that sounds like some max hippie capacity BS. It’s the truth. It happened. And I smiled. Instead of falling into an old energy trap, I smiled. This is progress. 

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